Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
