He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
