Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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