my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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