Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
