Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize