next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
