i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my poor anus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
