Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
