It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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