Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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