Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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