he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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