I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
