mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
