Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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