I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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