i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
