you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
