I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
