What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
