I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize