Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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