So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
