Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
