he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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