My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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