Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
