I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
