Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
