hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
