Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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