What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
