You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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