chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
