two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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