Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
