hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize