Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
