Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
