i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
