I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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