I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
