we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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