how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
