I accidentally burped into my bong.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
