mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize