go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
