i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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