i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
