His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
