Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
