i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
