Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
