I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
