I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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