Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
