I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
