so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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