it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
