i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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