I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
