im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
