in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
