We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
