Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
