Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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