SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize